My soul was stirred and I could not take another step in the same steps that I had been taking. My life had just simply become unmanageable. I was lost in pain and depression by what was being revealed to me and I decided to leave Alaska. I returned to my Costa Rican home, the gift from my mother who was one of my greatest teachers, and found myself relaxing and gathering my strength. I knew right away that I had made the right decision. By simply knowing how my body felt in its own skin. I sensed my nervous system letting go, relaxing, the tightness of my stomach subsiding, the space between my eyes softening. However, I then began to think. Oh such danger! My mind took me into places of self loathing and shame for choosing me. My mind only thought of the others that I had upheld, supported and loved, but had to leave. I felt the depression starting to come over me like a cloak, a weight on my shoulders and in my heart, my limbs becoming heavy, my eyes floating half open, old eyes, full of pain and stress. There was a cloud over my being and I couldn’t shake it.
The New Moon was approaching and I felt the need to shift this pattern of self doubt following a leap of faith. Niko and Karina were my friends and I knew that they were doing amazing healing work. In fact I had housed their clients in my home as they went through this exact same process. Karina and Nikita own a company called PlugIn Mind (https://pluginmind.com/), where they work with Kambo (sacred frog medicine) and Bufo (sacred toad medicine) to offer a rebirthing experience that enables one to “release emotional, physical, mental, physiological, and spiritual blockages so you can truly love who you really are.”
It was almost at the new moon and I became trembling and afraid. I know that I needed to move forward and shake this cloak of depression and yet I was too afraid to take this step. Why? I had seen many people come away from this “grand rebirth” process and they'd done just fine. Some of my best friends have walked through these gates and come out new. Why was I afraid? Finally when the pain became too much, I decided that it was time to make a choice for me and the rumbling truly began.
The program exists in a three day period of time where one is completely fasting on coconut water or tea or water so there’s no food. Each day we are given breath work experiences and then we jump into an ice bath to learn to surrender and to place the EGO on a different seat on your “bus”. It doesn’t take too long ….maybe just 2-3 minutes or maybe even a little bit more before one can fully relax and let go. Once one fully relaxes and lets go it’s best to stay in an extra 15 seconds. My first two ice baths held a lot of emotion. There was a lot of sorrow, sadness, confusion, pain, self-loathing, anger, resentment, bitterness…. all of it. I had partaken in ice baths before and had had no problems. But this time, I screamed. I cried, and I felt as though the ice bath alone was enough.
After ice bath I was given sananga which is a plant medicine for the eyes used by the indigenous people for clear vision, night vision, and can correct the eyesight when used with intention. The eyes are the windows of the soul yet also the gateway of the nervous system. In fact, they are the only physical portal that accesses the brain. Sananga stings but doesn’t last for long.
So, for three days I did these activities all designed to master the EGO. Then following these activities combined with discussion and guidance from Karina and Nikita, I was led to work with the frog medicine called Kambo. Kambo is a frog venom that is used to detoxify at a cellular level. It is very strong and efficient. Portals are burned into the skin to allow the medicine to move into the body. It was my choice where these portals were placed. One can feel the energy of the frog wanting to help you. It makes you deathly ill for about 20 to 30 minutes. It sounds worse than it is. It is just a little uncomfortable for a quick moment and Niko is very efficient at this. The portals are then opened and one drinks 2 liters of water. Now, in the warm Costa Rican sun on an empty stomach it’s pretty easy to pound down 2 liters of water and I was told that I was the fastest water “chugger” that they ever have had. So I am proud of this! After drinking the water, Niko then placed the frog medicine on the portals that were located on my shoulders. On the first day, I could feel my vision became more narrow and a heaviness came over my body. Nausea so deep moved through me and a rumble moved to my lower body indicating that I needed to use the toilet! They helped me to the bathroom and the process continued for about 30 minutes. I vomited. I sweat so hard that I couldn’t stand on the bathroom floor anymore as the floor was covered with my rank and foul smelling sweat. It dripped from my body like a river as I vomited and pooped at the same time. I was moved to come into presence with the frog and direct the medicine to those areas that needed to be purged. After I was done and the 2 liters was removed from my body through purging, the medicine was removed and blissfully the effects went away. I felt myself feel better, cleaner, back to myself. A quick shower and I was good to go back to my home where I rested and relaxed and embraced what I had done…. The weight of the world removed from my shoulders. The next day was the same but slightly different. I purged a lot less and my portals I chose were on my belly right below the navel to let go of any resistance in the solar plexus and creative center of my being. The purge was intense again but not nearly as intense as the day before and I again returned to my home to drink my coconut water and to remain hydrated.
Throughout this time I was asked to create a list of things that I would not tolerate any more, to set my boundaries. What would it take to choose me first? What did I want, what behaviors were intolerable to me and just say no to those. I was also encouraged to visualize my ideal future from the moment I woke up to what I was doing throughout my day and the existence of all the emotional and feeling states that were present in my vision. We began with an intention to make sure that I knew I was valuable and loved, to make sure that I was on the path of choosing me with or without my current relationships.
The third day was profound. I had done a lot of work and my body was weary and hungry. We began with the ice bath, the breath work, and then we moved to Kambo which were then placed on my feet to let go of anything that was holding me back from finding my balance in this life, to release physical issues in my feet, and to allow me to dig deeper and stand like a rooted tree as my own presence in this life. The purging was perfect. I felt more in control this time and co-created what I let go of with the frog as my ally.
After this, the time had come to make a choice to truly step forward. My ego was tired yet still clung strong to wanting to protect me and keep me safe in the life that I had been living. But I chose differently. I moved with Karina and Nikita to a comfortable space in their backyard where we all prayed and blessed the process to come…. to smoke Bufo 5-MEO-DMT, the “God molecule”. The venom, harvested from the Sonoran desert toad, is a powerful entheogenic and has an amazing track record for freeing people of their addictions, co-dependency, PTSD , broken patterns of behavior, and depression. It is one of the most powerful hallucinogenic substances found on the planet with DMT found naturally in the body in highest concentrations at the moment of your birth and the moment of your death.
The time had come for my death and rebirth as a new person on this planet. I was scared but determined. I had come so far and done so much work to be here now. There was no going back. In the first round, we each split three ways a dose of this magical substance to get a “taste” of the power of this medicine. I fell into the loving embrace of the Divine in an ethereal world filled with rhythmic sound. I could feel the presence of my guides and angels. I awoke to the loving faces of Karina and Nikita staring down at me smiling with love in their eyes and saying that this was a very good start. I went three more rounds with this blessed medicine. Each time I went deeper and deeper to let go of what did not serve me and to embrace my fullness. I became the wild animals and solid trees. I became one with everything around me as I shed my skin and breathed new life into my body as an affirmation to my place here on Earth. Between each round I was lovingly greeted and affirmed by my guides Niko and Karina, always giving me choice and an agency to break the chains of my old beliefs to choose ME in all my wisdom and love. My last round involved a conscious effort to remove the portals and tubes that I had allowed to be attached where my life force was going to others instead of myself. I let go of these soul contracts with grace and love as I severed the ties and removed them physically from my body.
My work was over and my body was exhausted. I was covered in sweat and my mouth was dry. Shanti and Jai, my beautiful little light workers, were always there to welcome me home in between rounds and stood respectful guard while I was in my process of healing.
The work and support that Karina and Nikita offer is truly from God. Their presence and their sense of agency allowed me to choose only in my own time, with patience, love, and JOY to take on the most amazing task of rebirthing myself into a new level of existence. I am completely humbled by this and so grateful for the work that I was able to do in these 3 days. I know that this path is not for everyone as the conscious decision to let go of self limitations can be done in other ways. But it sure worked for me.
Look out world! Here I COME!